Are We Dating? Part 2: Expectations, Boundaries, and Clarity

Transcript

Relaxed Conversation on Various Topics

Speaker 2 0:07

5 , 4 , 3 , 2 , 1 .

Speaker 1 0:08

Take a breath , let's dive in , uncle Denny .

Speaker 2 0:22

Oh jeez , here we go again . No .

Speaker 1 0:24

I'm excited , you are excited . Yeah , it's been a year since you were on the podcast .

Speaker 2 0:29

And here I am again . And here you are again , down in this beautiful , beautiful Florida land . It's 85 degrees here and it's 20 degrees up north Unbelievable .

Speaker 1 0:42

Does that make you a snowbird now ?

Speaker 2 0:44

No , not really , Because I just come down to visit and I go back up north . Unbelievable . Does that make you a snowbird now ? No , not really , because I just come down to visit and I go back up north . I like it up north , yeah , so that's just the way it is . I do like it , but you need a little break once in a while to come down and see something green instead of white . That's what you need .

Speaker 1 1:02

Yeah .

Speaker 2 1:03

Yeah , it's been a tough little winter up there . Yeah , yeah , yeah , it's been a tough little winter up there .

Speaker 1 1:09

I can tell Tough little winter , so tough you guys had to send some of your coal down . Here we get there . It's snowing in Florida .

Speaker 2 1:16

The fishermen are all ice fishing . They love it .

Speaker 1 1:21

Yeah , I've always wanted to go ice fishing .

Speaker 2 1:25

Oh yeah , oh yeah , they love it . They're out there Fishing away the smaller lakes . Lake Erie is about frozen . All the way the bay is frozen .

Speaker 1 1:38

So you can walk to Canada now .

Speaker 2 1:40

No , you don't want to walk to Canada . You want to stay off that lake , stay off the ice domes and everything . Yeah , yeah , you want to go where it's flat and frozen Ice domes . Man , they're hollow . You fall through . You're 10 feet from the water . There's a splash . You ain't coming out .

Speaker 1 2:00

Yeah .

Speaker 2 2:01

So but here we are , down here having a little cigar , taking it easy .

Speaker 1 2:10

Exactly . I just want to say thank you , lugo , from Old Time Cigar of Claremont . You guys are absolutely fantastic , your selections are amazing and great service , and I just wanted to say thank you , lugo , for the awesome service once again . You know what you're doing , so I appreciate you , lugo , thank you oh yeah , that's a nice smoking cigar how do you get into smoking cigars , by the way ? Pardon me how did you start smoking cigars ?

Speaker 2 2:43

how did I ?

Speaker 1 2:44

yeah , how did it happen ?

Speaker 2 2:47

oh man , I don't know , I think it's someone down the down the road introduced me to one one night . I have a drink , smoking a cigar , and it just keeps on going . Yeah , don't get yourself a bad cigar , get yourself a good one . If you're going to smoke a cigar , get yourself a nice mild one to start . Mild , not a heavy , hard cigar . You want a nice mild one , smooth , and then you can just relax , have a drink with it . There you go , you know what I think .

Speaker 1 3:21

I'm not into smoking cigarettes or anything . I think that a cigarette is like a pause in your day and I feel like a cigar is a conversation , because if you're smoking a cigar , you're smoking a cigar to relax and have a long conversation with someone . That's what I think . Yeah , you might be right , because here we are I know , I know , yeah , yeah , I like be right , because here we are , I know .

Speaker 2 3:46

Yeah .

Speaker 1 3:47

Yeah , I like bourbon , though I like bourbon with my cigar .

Speaker 2 3:53

Hmm , well , we're just , we're back from a commercial break .

Speaker 1 3:56

Exactly , we're back from a commercial break .

Speaker 2 4:00

Everybody has to have a commercial break .

Speaker 1 4:02

This is true .

Speaker 2 4:03

Yeah .

Speaker 1 4:04

I haven't thought about doing commercials or anything , though .

Speaker 2 4:08

Well , we did a nice little one about the cigar place . You know , this is true , that is true . A nice little cigar , and every year I come down here , I stop there and get my cigar . That's good , that's true , that is true , yep .

Speaker 1 4:27

So how's Seller 54 doing ?

Speaker 2 4:29

Seller 54 is doing great . It's doing real good , nice good , fantastic year . Every year we're growing a little by little . One of these years we'll make it down here in the shelves of these stores down here one of these years , but it just takes a long , long time to get developed and branch out everywhere .

Speaker 1 4:52

Are you in any grocery stores up north right now ?

Speaker 2 4:54

Yes , wow . Yeah , we're in grocery stores , the state stores , you know Wine and Spirits . And yeah , we're at other places too , you know . So we are branching . It's just , you know our marketing department . You know it takes a long time to get a new product out there on the shelf , but they are working hard and doing it so and the winemakers making some good , fantastic wine , oh trust me wine .

Speaker 1 5:27

Oh , trust me , wine is something that I love . Wine now , I never used to like wine as much , but you guys have definitely made me a wine lover . Oh , yeah . And how's the golf course ?

Speaker 2 5:48

What's the golf course ? Called again um lakeside lakeside because it's right on the shores of Lake Erie on the New York and Pennsylvania border yep , yeah , it's all .

Speaker 2 6:00

We're hanging in there with everything right now . You know it's over . We're hanging in there with everything right now . You know winter does slow everything down , but then we are getting . We're over the hump a little bit . You know it's still cold down up there and uh , but we are . The days are getting longer . Uh , by I'm gonna say around the 20th of February we'll start getting the flux and the temperature . You know it'll start hitting 40s and staying there , maybe down there in the upper 20s at night . So you'll start seeing that March comes along . It's like a roller coaster . Yeah , boom , boom , boom , boom , boom . You know up and down , up and down all the way . So we're getting through the rough ones , the first time we had a rough winter in probably a good three years . So you know it's over , but we are getting . You know we're coming around out of it now .

Speaker 1 6:58

So I can't wait to come up there . I think if I come up , if I go back to Erie , I'm not going to come back to Florida .

Speaker 2 7:13

Well , I'll tell you one thing it's not as busy .

Speaker 1 7:17

That's what I like .

Speaker 2 7:18

As it is down there .

Speaker 1 7:20

That's what I like . I mean you're going to become roommates . Yes , the boys will smoke a cigar every night . I mean you're going to become roommates , just the boys will smoke a cigar every night , play some card games and that's it .

Speaker 2 7:41

But yeah , yeah , pretty nice , nice up there . Yeah , Lower , it's not a fast pace , it's a slower pace .

Speaker 1 7:51

That's good for you . Everyone needs that , you know . We definitely need that Yep . So I'm going to ask you a question that I asked my brother . My question is how do you know when you're dating someone ?

Speaker 2 8:10

Oh boy .

Speaker 1 8:13

How do you know ?

Speaker 2 8:15

Yeah , yeah , I haven't dated somebody in I don't know how many years . It's been a long time . But I would go this way you see somebody , they look attractive to you , you ask them out , you ask them out again . You might start leaning to dating . At that point I'm saying a second , second date you're dating too quick ?

Speaker 1 8:47

I don't know , I don't . I don't think that's too quick , I think that it's different . All right , let me ask you this . So if I go to go to someone , I said , hey , let's go grab lunch , and we grab them , and we grab lunch twice , how is that day ? Or do you have to say , hey , it's a date and that makes it dating ?

Speaker 2 9:10

It all depends on . Let's say , you're working with this person and you say , all right , let's go get lunch . It could be just a working relationship .

Speaker 1 9:18

Yeah .

Speaker 2 9:20

You're not leaning toward a date , but a working relationship , I think , is totally different . You want to communicate with a male and a female when you're working . That makes a good environment to work in , but I don't know if you want to date somebody that you're working side-by-side in .

Speaker 1 9:47

I definitely wouldn't do it . They say you shouldn't crap where you eat , so yeah it's .

Speaker 2 9:52

You know , everybody likes , everybody likes to be . You need a break once in a while . That little break is not a break from your date , but it's . You can't concentrate on your date when you're working , working's different , working's for work . Yeah , I agree For a relationship at that . Uh , in that point , but you have , you gotta have a , a working relationship .

Speaker 1 10:25

I agree , I think that a lot of people don't know when they're dating and that when they're dating , dating means different things to people . So you could go out for lunch a million times and it's not dating . And for some people you have to say , hey , this is a a date , so they know that it's a date that's when you get home , get all cleaned up , you go on a date yep , exactly like . Oh , it's a date . All right , it's a date . I'll pick you up at two o'clock so it's .

Speaker 2 11:04

And today gets harder because you know you take it down here . Okay , you gotta . You gotta get the bed at 930 or so , Get up at four and get ready . You gotta drive through all the traffic and everything and get to work Before you know it . You know you got you work an eight hour shift but you know actually you're working at 13 hour shift so you can't date during a work week . Yeah , so you got two days off , at the end maybe , or during the week , but it's tough . It does play a big toll on a dating relationship where it does . In a bigger city where you have driving time to get to that point of work it's become very difficult . But time to get to that point of where it's become very difficult . But I don't know .

Speaker 2 11:53

Dating another thing is a lot of people get their relationship way back in school , maybe a little bit in high school . They could date , go to college and they find somebody they can date there . They get out of school before you know it . That might lead to something else , but I think a lot of people do find their dating mate in some type of relationship with school or something like that . I don't think they find a lot of it at work . I don't think they find a lot of it at work . I think I don't want to involve dating at work . I want to separate that . But that's just the way I look at it . Yeah , so what do you think about it ? Like what ? Where would you know ? How did you meet your wife here ? We go see . I put it shifted over to his side .

Speaker 1 13:01

Um , I actually met her randomly when she was at work , but but I wasn't working .

Speaker 2 13:13

There we go .

Speaker 1 13:13

See that I saw her and I said to her I said you have beautiful eyes . And she said these are contacts , because when I saw her , those were the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen in my entire life . And so when she said these are contacts , I said well , you have beautiful contacts . And I said you know what ? We should get coffee sometime . And she said I don't drink coffee . And I said to her I said the great British empire shines always , so we can drink tea . And then she laughed and we had tea the next day .

Speaker 2 13:58

Well , there you go . So when would you say it was you were dating ?

Speaker 1 14:07

I think we were getting to know each other , like just to meet each other the first time . But when it was time to go on a date , in my head I was like , hey , do you want to go on a date ? And he said yes . When we went to for tea , that was just me saying we should just have tea . And then after that I was like , hey , you know , we should go on a date sometime . And we went on a date . There you go . You know what's really funny ? When it was time for me to go on the date with her , I had a flat tire , I actually had two flat tires and my neighbor was like man , you look good , where are you going ? I said I'm going on a date , I have two flat tires . And he was like well , here's my keys to my car . And my neighbor gave me the keys to his car to go on my date .

Speaker 2 15:06

Oh , that was nice of him . Yeah , geez , very good , yep .

Lessons From Wrestling and Family Life

Speaker 2 15:14

And you see , now that's a different angle , you know , than how I did , how I met my wife . I met my wife , matter of fact , we went , you know , we went to school with pretty good size and I really never noticed her until one time at a basketball game , mm-hmm yeah . And I met her and we started talking , and then I started talking a little bit more and more in school with her .

Speaker 2 15:42

And it led to . Well , we got married and kids , and that's what it all led to .

Speaker 1 15:51

Yeah .

Speaker 2 15:51

But that was in school . Like I was saying , it was in school . You started a relationship and it worked from there , but it was just something . She was in the same grade and everything else in high school and it just escalated more and more from there and that's the relationship that grew there . So we had two different ways . So I don't know , I think it took me after I met her in the basketball game . It took me probably a couple weeks . After that we went on a date . You know , back then we'd go to a movie or something like that . You know I go to a movie , okay , and you know , and so we just hung out like that , you know , and then it was a date I was , I didn't go to me , you know , in school . You know I had a , I had . You know I was a wrestler and and so you know , in football , and so it wasn't too much , you know , dating during those sports you know , afterwards yeah , you know , in the summertime , go on a date , this and that it just grew from there .

Speaker 1 17:03

Yep , wrestling was one of the reasons why I didn't date too .

Speaker 2 17:08

Yeah .

Speaker 1 17:08

Yep , I tell them like hey , I'm busy , it's wrestling season .

Speaker 2 17:15

Oh yeah .

Speaker 1 17:18

I tell them as a guy , I tell them I don't want to gain any weight .

Speaker 2 17:22

Well , yeah , that's true , you gotta watch your weight and everything like that Gotta watch that . Wrestling is great , for I think wrestling is a great sport Getting off the dating . But wrestling is a great sport because it gives you self-confidence in yourself . It's just you and your opponent on the other side and you're going to do a little battling , mm-hmm , and it's self-discipline and it teaches you that . It teaches you self-discipline where it gives you that little bit edge over a lot of people , where you can apply yourself . Yes , you don't need a crowd behind you , I can apply myself to whatever I'm doing , and so that's and it develops a lot of young kids out there .

Speaker 1 18:19

Whenever I'm having a hard day at work , I'm always okay . I just I tell myself challenge accepted Whenever the day is hard , challenge accepted . Whenever someone doubts me , challenge accepted . Whenever the day is hard , challenge accepted . Whenever someone doubts me , challenge accepted . I think that's something that wrestling gave me , that it makes it okay for things to be tough . I'm okay with things being tough . I wouldn't trade that for anything . I wouldn't trade running up the stairs a million times . I wouldn't trade running in the hot Florida sun . I wouldn't trade that for anything . I wouldn't trade running up the stairs a million times . I wouldn't trade running in the hot Florida sun . I wouldn't trade wrestling in that hot wrestling room , sweaty , I wouldn't trade that for anything . I wouldn't .

Speaker 2 19:08

Yep If it's you . That's what he taught me , it's you how much you put in .

Speaker 1 19:10

It's you , that's what he taught me .

Speaker 2 19:12

It's you how much you put in it's you , now let's carry that experience you had into . Okay , now you got a relationship going . Now you get married , you have a family . There's where the guy has the guy has to say , hey , this is my family , I have to give all I got toward that family and that's how it has to be . There's no , oh , it's getting too tough , I want to run away . It's that's what it's all about . That's what life is about is raising of good , good , healthy , spiritual family .

Speaker 1 20:04

I agree , because your kids see it all in .

Speaker 2 20:07

And there's where the guy has to step up and say this is the way it is , not the way it was when you were a kid running wild . This is the way it is . You're going to have your ups and downs in a relationship , but it's how you get around it and I think wrestling teaches that . You're going to have ups and downs in a split second . A split second you relax and boom , that guy's components are going to point against you the downs in a split second . A split second . You're relaxing , boom , that guy's scoring points against you .

The Circle of Life in Marriage

Speaker 2 20:35

The same . In a marriage , sometimes you have those up and downs , so you have to work around it and never run from it . You work around it , your emotions and stuff , and you work it out and you keep going and that's how a relationship and the dating and all that stuff comes together . See that , the circle of life .

Speaker 1 21:02

The circle of life Wrestling , dating , working hard . Yes , the circle of life .

Speaker 2 21:06

There it is . And then when you say it's all done and the kids are growing good and the wife's having a great time , you're having a great time . You can sit down , have a beer or a glass of wine or whatever and have a nice little cigar and say guess what we did ?

Speaker 1 21:26

it yes .

Speaker 2 21:28

We did it . Look at this , look what we have . We did it . And at this , look what we have we did it . And that's what life is . That's exactly what it is . We did it Right there , when you can say we did it yeah .

Speaker 1 21:43

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Speaker 2 21:49

Be free .