Ever felt bogged down by societal pressures and the weight of others' opinions? It's time to break free! We're bringing you an enriching conversation about self-identity, individuality, and the importance of authenticity. We share personal stories of overcoming skepticism, dealing with betrayal, and growing beyond the confines of others' opinions. By the end of this episode, you'll understand that pain can be a transformative teacher, guiding you toward your true self.
We've all encountered toxic people and mindsets in our lives. But how do we deal with them without losing ourselves? In this episode, we share our personal experiences including stories of infidelity, toxic relationships, and the importance of choosing ourselves over others. We also discuss the pivotal role of mental health and self-care in our lives. Together, we explore the power of surrounding ourselves with positivity, protecting our minds from negative influences, and the transformative power of authenticity.
Lastly, we uncover the significance of self-reflection and mentorship in personal growth. We share poignant stories about dealing with arrogance, learning from mentors, and the power of tough love. Our aim is to help you realize that self-reflection is not an act of self-indulgence, but a necessary process in becoming a better version of ourselves. Tune in as we chart this journey of self-discovery, growth, and embracing authenticity.
Ever felt bogged down by societal pressures and the weight of others' opinions? It's time to break free! We're bringing you an enriching conversation about self-identity, individuality, and the importance of authenticity. We share personal stories of overcoming skepticism, dealing with betrayal, and growing beyond the confines of others' opinions. By the end of this episode, you'll understand that pain can be a transformative teacher, guiding you toward your true self.
We've all encountered toxic people and mindsets in our lives. But how do we deal with them without losing ourselves? In this episode, we share our personal experiences including stories of infidelity, toxic relationships, and the importance of choosing ourselves over others. We also discuss the pivotal role of mental health and self-care in our lives. Together, we explore the power of surrounding ourselves with positivity, protecting our minds from negative influences, and the transformative power of authenticity.
Lastly, we uncover the significance of self-reflection and mentorship in personal growth. We share poignant stories about dealing with arrogance, learning from mentors, and the power of tough love. Our aim is to help you realize that self-reflection is not an act of self-indulgence, but a necessary process in becoming a better version of ourselves. Tune in as we chart this journey of self-discovery, growth, and embracing authenticity.
Magnificent, magnificent, magnificent. Hello, magnificent Ones. Before we get started, let's just take a breath. 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. When was the last time you looked into the mirror and you said to yourself who the heck am I? Sure, we know our names, we know what people call us, we know these things, but at our core, who the heck are we? Who am I? Who are you? I would like to explore that tonight. Who the heck am I? Am I the things that I do? Am I the things that I say? What makes me me?
Speaker 1:
I find it baffling at times the amount of people that try to imitate other people. I think the problem with society today is that at one point in time there was an expression that art imitates life, meaning that creations such as painting, music were things that mirrored life. But now life is imitating art. So there's a new song and the artist is trending, and now people dress like that artist. People try to become that artist. You know Wiz Khalifa with the patch of the blonde, or Billie Eilish with the half blonde, half black, or half green, half black, or what have you. But that society today is that everyone is trying to be like everyone else. So if we're just all copies of everyone around us. Who are we? What makes me mean? What makes you you?
Speaker 1:
I think that many people are like Pinocchio, you know, living a lie and never truly experiencing who they are or who they're meant to be. We are constantly being bombarded by the media with entertainment, and we're consumed by trying to conform to society and societal norms. Few ever dare to have an original thought or a word in the original ideas, or embrace free thought. You know as everyone strives to just blend in rather than to stand out, and so, when we are faced with adversity, we never know what to do because we're looking to conform. So who are we in those moments? Are we just mindless bots? What do we wish to attain with this life that we have? We only have one life. When are we going to start living it? That's important, but let me remind you regardless of who you try to be, who you act like, there is only one you. And yet you may not even know yourself fully.
Speaker 1:
Embracing your true self requires courage and commitment to stay true to who you are and who you aspire to become, despite the imperfections of the world around you. You know, I thought about this concept the other day. I said to myself you know, we didn't create this world, the social conditions or the economic institutions, the definitions of wealth, middle class and poverty, you know, were established long before any of us were born. The educational system shaped our understanding of intelligence and creativity. Standards of beauty were set by someone else. We were born into these constructs, but the moment we decide to be ourselves, that's us challenging society. Can you think about how powerful that is? If you dare to be yourself, you are literally challenging the world around you.
Speaker 1:
There's a Latin phrase, si vis paxim parabellum, which roughly translate if you wish for peace, prepare for war A part of being who you are. You need to go through the gutter. You need to sometimes overcome generational curses. Sometimes you have to tell your friends no, the ones you love no, and there may be chaos that ensues by you saying no, by you daring to be you. That's chaos.
Speaker 1:
Achieving your peace, or the peace that you desire in your life, comes at a price. Working on yourself and creating peace within is the most challenging endeavor you could ever embark on. Unfortunately, pain often serves as the best teacher, you know, guiding us towards the person we are meant to be. So maybe we're supposed to say goodbye. Maybe we're supposed to have the lonely nights, maybe we're supposed to be depressed for a season. Maybe all these things are supposed to happen, but so what? That's just a part of the journey.
Speaker 1:
I remember I was watching something on Instagram one day and it was about TDJakes, and he said that the hardest place to flourish is where you grow up. People from your past know too much about you and they often struggle to see the person you've become. But the opinions and the judgments of others should not define you. You have the power to transcend their expectations and prove them wrong, because when people have known who you are your entire lives guess what? They never forget your mistakes.
Speaker 1:
And sometimes you're so fixated on the past that they're not seeing the person that you're becoming or the person that you've grown into. They don't see that. They're focusing on everything else the time you broke the cabinet on accident, the time you stayed out late. Or maybe they just bring up things from the past that is no longer relevant, like your rebellious teenage phase and the words of a great man, ephem. Sometimes you just have to close that door and keep moving forward If people fail to recognize the person that you are or the person that you're becoming. What's the point in being around them? You know, we outgrow our environment. Guess what A tree and a grass. They start off at the same place, but the tree was meant for greater things, and that's why it outgrows the grass every single time. And when it's done outgrowing the grass, guess what? It threw shade over the grass. I love that analogy. We all start off at the same place, but we all destined for vastly different things.
Speaker 1:
You know, I didn't have parents who told me I couldn't become who I wanted to be. They believed in my endless potential. However, the world often told me a different story. Every time I voiced my dreams and my goals, I was always met with skepticism and I was told that they were impossible. They were always people placing limits on me, and so I had to become arrogant to block out their negativity. I had to silence the naysayers who couldn't accomplish what I aspired to achieve.
Speaker 1:
The only person I compete with truly is myself, and that's all that matters. Am I improving? If I'm becoming a better version of myself, that means I'm becoming a better version for other people as well. If I am slowly progressing and doing more or learning more, everyone else around me benefits from that. Same as you. The more I learn, the more I share, the more I share. I grow. You grow, and others around me, others around you they also grow.
Speaker 1:
I compete with myself because at the end of the day, when I wake up, when I look at the mirror, I don't see my haters, I see myself. The one thing I don't want is to wake up one day and not recognize the person that I'm looking at. How miserable would that be. To wake up one day. Years have passed and you don't even know where all that time went. You don't even know who you are To focus on you. If you are the best version of yourself, that means you're the best version of yourself for everyone else. If you choose to be the best version of yourself for other people, just keep your eyes on the prize. You are the prize. You're the work and the prize. You're just slowly getting to you. That's the thing. And when you get to you, you learn that there's still more to go. There's still more growing to do. It never ends. That's the beauty of life. As long as you're alive, the growth never ends.
Speaker 1:
And the truth is, I have the strength to be myself because I paid the price to be me. I can't even put this in the word. I've experienced countless betrayals, but they only strengthen my resolve, my mindset and my confidence. I've felt the hurt, the sadness, the anger, but I've always refused to dwell on those emotions. See, emotions are temporary, so I process them and I let go. I never felt the need to ever retaliate against those who betray me because deep down, I knew I wasn't the problem. The problem lies within them and their responsibility to address it. It's their responsibility to address that betrayal, not mine.
Speaker 1:
For example, if someone cheats on you, regardless if you're a bad communicator, regardless of whatever it is, if someone cheats on you, it's not your fault. They're the ones that made the decision to cheat on you. If they don't want to be with you, they should let you know they don't want to be with you. So don't let your self-esteem get all mangled. Don't become depressed because someone cheated on you. It's not you, it's them. They made the decision to do what they did. You don't need to carry the weight of their burden.
Speaker 1:
The problem isn't you. You have your own problems, but if you didn't cheat, you weren't the betrayer. So you also. You have to always guard your mind. Guard your mind and never let people put things in your head that does not need to be there, just because someone's insecure and they decide to lash out and tell you that you're ugly. You're not ugly. You never told yourself that you were ugly. They said you were ugly. That's their problem. If they think you're ugly, so what? That's their words. Everyone has imperfections. You're going to dwell on some two-cent thing that doesn't matter. No, again, if someone is coming at you with an energy that's not for you, don't accept it, okay. Okay, it's not your cross to bear. Their BS isn't for you, it's for them. Let them live in the agony of their own misery and press on. And I'm not saying that because people say mean things. It doesn't hurt. Of course it hurts.
Speaker 1:
You know when I'll share this story and my ex-girlfriend. She cheated on me. She cheated on me with this older guy this was years ago that was married and made good money or what have you. And you know, when she told me about it, what I said to her was thank you. I said thank you. Thank you for the good times, thank you for the bad times, thank you for the growth. And I said I wish you the best and went our separate ways. There was no need for me to retaliate. There was no need for me to be mean or to inquire more, because, at the end of the day, I didn't make the decision for her. She made a decision for herself, and when I told my friends, they thought that I was invincible and immune to pain. But I suffered because when I used the words I love you, I meant them.
Speaker 1:
But I also learned that me trying to rectify a situation that has nothing to do with me and everything to do with her would not get me anywhere. It wouldn't push me forward. So why would I dwell on that? That wasn't for me. You know, sure, like I was heavily invested in and in. My time was spent on things that were for my future, and that was clear from the beginning. That was the person that she made the decision to be with, a person that was busy, that had a very busy life, that did not have time for a lot of things, but that was the person that she chose to be with. I never changed and so, yeah, she wanted attention from someone else. That is her decision. There's no need for me to get upset about that, because I learned something. We weren't compatible, we weren't meant to be, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:
And yes, you get depressed. Yes, you know you have the anger and what not on the inside, but that's only temporary. As you grow, you know certain things. They hurt a little less and when you overcome that, that means that you became stronger and you're one step closer to being something new, something stronger, something better. And you may not be able to put exact words on it or know exactly what it is, but you know what it is. You just you can't quantify it, and that's okay.
Speaker 1:
You know, I live by the philosophy that you know, if you're not with me, you're against me, and you cannot be my friend and consort with my enemies, because I refuse to ever be played a fool in that way. There's a saying that you can't serve two masters. How can someone be your friend but they hang out with your enemy, someone that drags your name through the mud, someone that is constantly just bashing you? How can that person be your friend? They break bread with your enemy. They can't be your friend, no way.
Speaker 1:
You know, I may not have many friends, but I chose myself. When I chose myself and put myself first, I decided that the friends that I wanted to have were going to be people who earned a place in my life, and by them earning a place in my life, they also earned a place in my heart. I have real friends and my friends are my family, and that's a beauty, because you're the sum total of the people closest to you that you associate yourself with. So if you associate with people who are good, that's going to rub off on you. If you associate yourself with negative people, that's going to rub off on you too. So maybe you're going to be the one to rub off on some people in certain, in different aspects, in different areas where they need the growth, and vice versa. The same will happen to you.
Speaker 1:
But if you're around people who are toxic man, they drain your life force. Toxic people are the true vampires of this world. I don't believe in vampires, but toxic people. If they had to be labeled as vampires, I would say that is accurate, because toxic people drain you. Toxic people make you stress. Toxic people raise your blood pressure.
Speaker 1:
You know it's okay to walk away and distance yourself from toxic people with toxic mindsets, even if they're lifelong friends, even if they're family members. Walking away doesn't mean you don't love them. It simply means that you're going to love them at a distance because when they're close, whatever chaos or disarray that they have going on, it throws you into a tornado of emotions that you don't need to have. That's half the battle. That is half the battle. Certainly, walking away and distancing yourself from people with toxic mindsets can be difficult. It's a difficult decision, especially when they're individuals you've known for a long time. Even it was the cousin that you grew up, as if you were a brother and sister or the childhood friend that was like your best buddy, your ride or die at the time. People grow and people grow apart. It's important to prioritize your own mental health and emotional well-being in times like that.
Speaker 1:
Toxic mindsets can have a detrimental impact on your own personal growth and happiness. These mindsets they're often the negativity alone is bad, but toxic people try to manipulate you. They're constant judgment and they have a lack of support. They have a lack of understanding. Being around individuals like that, they don't just drain you, but they drain your self-esteem. They hinder your progress towards becoming the person you aspire to be. That alone is enough to just cut them off, because the person that you're meant to be guess what Toxic isn't a part of it. By choosing to walk away and distancing yourself, you're setting clear boundaries that like, if you're going to keep being like this, there's no place for you in my world. My emotional and mental health that matters. It doesn't mean that I don't love you or care about you. It just means that you need to recognize that your toxicity is like a poison to my brain and that's not conducive to my growth and my well-being. That's it.
Speaker 1:
A lot of people are negative all the time and they just kill your vibe. You just walk into the room and you're just like man. Why did this person have to be here today? Man, I came to work today and I started smiling and this person showed up and I'm like I'm tired, I don't even want to be here. You go to Starbucks and someone's being mean to a barista and you're like man, I don't even want to my coffee anymore. Hey, you go to a restaurant. You try to eat. You know the waitress or waiter. They're negative, they're not nice. You're like man, I'm not hungry anymore.
Speaker 1:
So clearly this emotional thing also has a physical repercussions. So create distance from these people and surround yourself with people who are going up, lift you, support you, who believe in your endless potential and who are genuinely wanting to see you thrive. It gives you the opportunity to cultivate a positive and nurturing environment that aligns with your values and your aspirations, and I know that a lot of us are having a tough time. I know that there's someone in the military right now that wishes that they were home with the ones they love. I know that person that's in the military also feels like their service is really just a sentence and that every second that they're away from the ones they love, it's an eternity, and they're depressed and they're serving their country, but they're serving their country at the cost of being away from the ones they love. The time they can never get back, and I know it may seem impossible right now that you're not going to get through this, but you will. Your time is coming. Your sacrifice is for something it is. This is just a part of your journey. In the words of a wise lady, which was my grandmother, this too shall pass, so this is just something that's going to help you grow.
Speaker 1:
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. When you leave the military, you're going to become a very, very patient person. You'll become more strategic. You'll be more dedicated. You will look at the people that you love with new lens because of the time you spent away from them. You're becoming something else, something good.
Speaker 1:
And even though you're away right now, guess what? This too shall pass. You know, there's a doctor out there and this doctor is feeling low. This doctor is feeling depressed. This doctor doesn't know who they are. They want to be able to be home with their family every day. They want to watch their kids grow up, but they're also serving and even though they're not a million miles away, their job or career doesn't align with their family life, and they hate the fact that they're away from the ones that they love. They hate that. They know there's a wedge in the relationships with the ones they love and there's a season for everything and there's balance. When you, when you accomplish the feat of being a balanced individual, as rough as it may seem, you will start a new life. And again, this too shall pass. And when you learn this thing, you realize that you've already transformed into something different, something more beautiful, something better. And that's for you to decide what, decide what that better is. And as you continue on your journey of self discovery and personal development.
Speaker 1:
Saranda yourself, sometimes with people who you aspire to be, people who are going to motivate you, people who are going to encourage you to be the best version of yourself. Seek out supportive communities, and these communities don't mean, you know, an entire community, actual community, but a community that you cultivate yourself, people who you handpick to be in your life. Engage in activities that align with your passions. We all love something. We should do the things we love and never be afraid to seek professional help or guidance if you need it. That's important. Therapy is needed. Sometimes we can't figure things out ourselves. Sometimes we need people to point out where the crap is coming from. That makes us feel the way that we do.
Speaker 1:
Ultimately, remember to choose you. You have a life that's worth living and you are special, and, no matter what this life may tell you, the value that you bring each and every day is something that no one can take away from you. That's yours and the words of the great philosopher Drake you may have started from the bottom, but you're here now. There's still much to do. There's still many dragons to slay, many mountains to climb. There's still more of you to be discovered. The bulk, the bulk crap of life never ends. It never does. It's not going to go away anytime soon.
Speaker 1:
The moment that you accomplish something, there is something else to accomplish. The more a moment you learn something, there is something new to learn. Find the joy in the process and if you think it, you will become it. That's the thing you got to think it to make it true. So, whatever it is that you want, think it, make it true.
Speaker 1:
I can tell you who you are. You are you, I am me, and we are both people who are alive and trying to be more, to be more giving, to be more loving, be more understanding, more accepting. So if you love yourself, if you accept yourself, you'll be able to do those to others. The thing is, if you don't love yourself, you can't love other people. If you don't accept yourself, you can't accept other people. Nurture the person that you want to become. Nurture that person. The world has already told you so many things about yourself. That's not true. So the best thing that you can do is tell yourself all the things that are true, even if you have to lie about it right now. That's okay. It's worth it, because at the end of the day, it's for you and I would like to say, from the very bottom of my heart thank you everyone who have listened to this podcast.
Speaker 1:
Thank you for every individual that has paid for a subscription to this podcast. Thank you so very much. There are so many amazing things that are coming and I can't wait to share it with each and every one of you and to the fan that I promised that I would have released an episode sooner. I apologize, but the episode is out now and I want to do something special and I want all of you to be a part of it. I want to grow with this community. The magnificent ones that's you. That is the name behind the magnificent ones is that everyone that listens to the podcast is a magnificent one, because we're all one people from this planet. Regardless of what we look like, we're still one community, one human community, and we're all magnificent in our own ways and we all have our unique gifts. That makes us who we are. So thank you for listening, thank you for subscribing, liking, thank you for tuning in. It means more to me than you will ever know, and as this platform keeps growing, I promise to give more as I grow. That is my solemn promise to you all Is that there is more to come and that your investment is not lost. So thank you. From now on, I'm going to end each episode with a story, a story that helped to find the person that I am today, and there's many of them, so we will never be in short supply of the stories. So here we go.
Speaker 1:
In college, someone told me that if it wasn't for affirmative action, I wouldn't have been accepted into the school, and that turned on my ego to a whole other level. People would tell me that I was arrogant, but I had to be arrogant. People are already tearing me down, so why would I not be arrogant? Because I've already put in the work that they never knew that I put in. I never needed to study, ever for any test in my college career. I never studied.
Speaker 1:
When I was growing up, at age seven, I was already learning about Siddhartha Gama. I was already learning about Marcus Aurelius, seneca, immanuel Kant and Ingles, for example, to name a few. I was already learning about all of these things. So in various philosophers, I was already learning about constructivism. What paradigms were before the age of 12.
Speaker 1:
When I came to America, the schooling system was very easy for me. So, because it was so easy, I was able to just be me. I had the option of relaxing essentially and just being able to be myself, and I got to choose the parts of education that I loved, because prior to that point, school was extremely hard. There were consequences to not doing well in school. When your parents pay for your education, when you're from a third world country, everything matters it does. When corporal punishment is a thing, when you don't do well, it does. It does matter. You have to do well.
Speaker 1:
There's an emphasis on being great. Constantly there's an emphasis that you need to be better than everyone else. Constantly. There's a class for those who are intelligent, there's a class for those who are okay, and then there's a class for those who are not intelligent. That was how we were segregated growing up. We knew who the kids that we're going to go for were the thriving kids. There was an emphasis on sports as well, so you had to get amazing grades and, at the same time, you had to dominate in sports.
Speaker 1:
So, yes, I was never arrogant. I was just having fun. If someone else is putting in the work that you're putting in, that's cool, but at the end of the day, you're not doing it for them, you're doing it for you. So it doesn't matter how much work the other person puts in. I was never competing with anyone in school and when I graduated guess what? That was highlighted. I already knew where my place was going to land. And I landed there exactly. And that's because I knew who I was for that season in my life.
Speaker 1:
But that also changed, and it had to, because there was a gentleman that I did not know, that he was a recovering drug addict. If you see this man's lifestyle and how he lived, there's no way you'd have known that he is a recovering drug addict. I definitely didn't know. He pulls me to the side one day. And he said one day you're going to end up just like me. And I said handsome and wealthy. And he said the handsome part, sure, but if you keep going at the rate that you're going, you're going to get burnt out. And I baffled him like what? Why are you telling me this? You achieved all the things that you achieved because you put work into it. And I'm doing the same thing. There's a place that I want to go and in order for me to get there, I have to put in all this work. And he said, putting in all of that work made me burnt out, which is why he was a former cocaine addict.
Speaker 1:
Putting all that work in meant that he spent more and more time away from his family and when he was on business trips, he had to fill his free time with other things, which involved drugs and women. And he said that he could see me when he saw me. He saw himself in me. He told me that I need to slow down. In the moment I didn't appreciate it. I felt like he was being a hater, but that's not what I wanted to hear, but that's what I needed to hear. That's very different than someone just being negative and constantly bashing you and just killing your freaking self-esteem.
Speaker 1:
What he was saying is look before you leap. Hey, I have experience in this area. You can fall, you can get hurt. Hear me out. That's what that was. That wasn't manipulation. That wasn't hey, I'm going to hold you back and hold you down. That was hey. I want you to thrive without suffering how I suffered because of the dumb decisions that I made. We're not always going to get it right and that's why we need people around us to tell us when we're screwing up. Just hey, you're messing up. Chill out. We need the tough love sometimes. Hey, not the hey. Let me tell you what you want to hear. Let me give you lip service. No, that's not going to contribute to you growing or being better. You know what is you? Being honest, help me become better. Help me become more. If you enjoyed today's content, please like and subscribe for more.